What you can do at Jupiter Lanes, though, is buy both socks and video games from a vending machine. Which is kind of like living in George Jetson's future.
Without the cheap, knock-off cologne.
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Q. Who here knows the rules to the game 'Guess That Smell'?
A. I don't have an answer for you, I'm afraid. But I CAN now report that there is no longer the opportunity to purchase Aramis-like or Polo-ish cologne in the bathroom at Jupiter Lanes (at least, not at the men's bathroom).
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
A bevy of bowlers at Jupiter Lanes. Labor Day 2007. Dallas, Texas.
Our motto: "You get a strike, you've just gotten yourself a White Russian."
Photo courtesy of the friendly Jupiter Lanes front desk attendant, who did have an odd idea of just what constituted 'outlaw country' music. If you ask me. Love him to death, though. I do.
It's also too bad you can't see the score here, since, at this point, I was 4 games down, 4 White Russians downed, and 125 pins to my name.
Some sad news to report from the Lanes, though, y'all.
It seems the father of Jupiter Lane's own Cotton Schwabb passed away on Sunday. When we were there, they were collecting donations to help defray expenses. So if you have a moment, and that moment happens to find you at the Lanes (or even if it doesn't), I might humbly suggest you stop by and contribute what you can towards the cause. You will be glad you did.
Thank ye.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Sunday, June 24, 2007
I Came. I Saw. I Bowled. But I didn't see Cotton.
I am happy to report that I have now gone bowling at the newly refurbished Jupiter Lanes, for one game.
And it was good.
Jupiter Lanes, I mean.
My bowling game? Not so much.
No word on whether or not you can still get Polo-like or Aramis-ish cologne in the restroom. And no, Virginia, Cotton was not present.
Quick question for the old Jupiter Lane habitues - Did the place always have a mural on the northeast (I think) wall of the guy with the mullet, the drunk woman smoking a cigarette, the elderly gay couple, etc.? I cannot recall if that was there before the refurbishment or not.
Whatever the case, new or old, that mural is still Awesome.
And when I say "awesome," what I mean is "Chainsmoke Kansas Flashdance Asspants!"
And it was good.
Jupiter Lanes, I mean.
My bowling game? Not so much.
No word on whether or not you can still get Polo-like or Aramis-ish cologne in the restroom. And no, Virginia, Cotton was not present.
Quick question for the old Jupiter Lane habitues - Did the place always have a mural on the northeast (I think) wall of the guy with the mullet, the drunk woman smoking a cigarette, the elderly gay couple, etc.? I cannot recall if that was there before the refurbishment or not.
Whatever the case, new or old, that mural is still Awesome.
And when I say "awesome," what I mean is "Chainsmoke Kansas Flashdance Asspants!"
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Monday, June 4, 2007
Famous like the Famous Amos
Check out this Dallas Morning News story from the Sunday just past:
09:29 PM CDT on Saturday, June 2, 2007
By KATIE MENZER / The Dallas Morning News
kmenzer@dallasnews.com
If your idea of paradise includes bowling among faux grass huts and tropical fish, then the remodeled Jupiter Bowl might be right up your alley.
The beloved White Rock-neighborhood bowling center, at Jupiter and Garland roads, reopened over Memorial Day weekend after it closed suddenly last year. Now with new owners and a million-dollar-plus renovation, it's not exactly your father's bowling alley – unless your father was a Hawaiian bowler.
The alley's old psychedelic lane backdrops, smoke-stained carpet on the walls and turn-dial televisions have been thrown to the gutter. In their place: high-tech projection screens, strobe lights and plasma TVs – all decorated with a neighborly, tropical twist.
Think Gilligan meets Bill Gates in the church bowling league.
"We're small enough that you don't have to worry about your kids getting out of your sight here. We're still a community bowling center," said Chuck Lande, Jupiter's majority owner. "But we've got every bell and whistle the big centers have. We really do."
Jupiter's doors first swung open in 1958, making it one of the area's oldest bowling alleys still operating.
It was the national birthplace of bumper bowling, popular with children because obstacles placed in the lanes prevent gutter balls.
It's held benefits for endangered rhinoceroses – Bowling for Rhinos – with the Dallas Zoo.
And it's where Aaron Brezik became the youngest bowler in Texas to score a perfect game in league play when he was 12 in 1993, according to records kept at that time.
"I remember just trying to be focused and concentrate on the game as much as I could," said Mr. Brezik, now 26 and a warehouse manager in Plano.
But Steve Brezik, Aaron's father, remembers that moment 13 years ago at Jupiter Lanes with exact detail.
"Everyone got real quiet. My heart was pounding. You just get so emotional," the Garland resident said proudly. "There weren't any cheap strikes. Each was solid in the pocket."
Phil Kinzer, who owned and operated Jupiter for decades, decided in the mid-1990s to lease the alley to bowling center chain AMF Bowling Worldwide, according to Mr. Lande.
Some longtime employees and customers said that's when the neighborhood gathering place lost its shine to corporate bureaucracy and larger, more modern bowling alleys that opened in the area.
"Before, everyone who worked at Jupiter knew your name, and they sort of lost that," said Wayne "Wamo" Matlock, who's been bowling at Jupiter since the 1950s.
When AMF didn't renew its lease last year, Mr. Lande said he and other investors decided to buy the place.
Mr. Lande, who also operates the Rowlett Bowl-A-Rama, worked at Jupiter when he was a teenager. He was the "shoe spray guy" – the employee who sprays antiseptic mist into rented bowling shoes between uses.
He said he wanted to restore the alley to its former glory – while adding new bowling gadgets and a tiki theme.
The charm stays
"What was of value and character, we tried to leave," said Mr. Lande, a professional bowler in the '80s. "What we needed to update, we updated."
They've decreased the lanes from 24 to 20 – each new lane cost $40,000 – and used the extra space for an arcade room.
Bumper bowling, which originally took employees 30 minutes or so to manually place cardboard or foam tubes in the gutter, is now run by a computer that can lift and lower bumpers in seconds.
The kitschy, '70s-era intercom that lets pool players order beer remotely remains, but the bar now has three plasma televisions and is decorated to look like a grass hut.
The former Rock 'n Bowl – the night each week they'd dim the lights and hang a disco ball– has been reincarnated as Glow Bowl.
The alley now uses strobes, fog machines and black lights that reflect against pictures of glow-in-the dark tropical fish. Projection screens also descend from above the lanes to display music videos.
But the transformation to a techno bowling paradise hasn't been without its tribulations, Mr. Lande said.
Not all easy
City employees told him after he bought the building that it wasn't zoned for bowling or booze, even though the alley had been offering both for almost 50 years.
After that was straightened out, the electric company sent him a $815,000 bill for one month's power – before the alley was open. The following month's bill was $168,000.
Even while the alley is operating, the electricity bill usually hovers around $4,000 each month, Mr. Lande said.
He's still trying to work it out.
"They said they won't shut off our power for 30 days while they investigate it," he said.
But to Mr. Matlock, the alley is picture perfect now. He and three other longtime Jupiter bowlers have been memorialized on a mural near the bar.
He's the guy on the right with the black tank top, gold chain and beer.
"I had to slip the guy 20 bucks to get rid of some of my gray," Mr. Matlock said jokingly.
And returning to Jupiter's front desk is Richard "Cotton" Schwab, the alley's daytime manager and a customer favorite. He's worked at Jupiter since 1999, and he's known for sending taunting messages to bowlers through the scoring monitors at each lane.
"In the bowling business, you have to love what you do," said Mr. Schwab, who worked at Bowl-A-Rama while Jupiter was closed for renovation. "There's sure no money in it."
Neighborhood hangout
White Rock neighborhood resident Harley Jebens said he can't wait to see Mr. Schwab again and down a few of his favorite bowling libations, White Russians, at the alley's bar.
When Jupiter closed without notice last year, Mr. Jebens created a tongue-in-cheek blog to "gather a group of like-minded individuals, to create a consortium, if you will, that will purchase the historic Jupiter Lanes bowling alley ... and open it as the bowling alley to beat all bowling alleys."
He wanted to initiate a "Wednesday Night Amateur Ventriloquist Show-Down," make every hour happy hour and hire his uncle as the house pro.
Even though his dreams were dashed by Jupiter's new owners, Mr. Jebens said he's pleased Jupiter's on a roll again.
"I'm hoping that it retains its charm," he said, "but I'm thrilled to death that it's reopening."
-30-
Well, despite being mis-quoted and libelled by the Liberal Media (I am quite sure I said that I was hoping it retains its charm AND was thrilled to death and etc.), it's good to see Jupiter Lanes getting the attention it deserves.
Good times roll again at Jupiter Bowl
New and improved bowling alley a trip down memory lanes
09:29 PM CDT on Saturday, June 2, 2007
By KATIE MENZER / The Dallas Morning News
kmenzer@dallasnews.com
If your idea of paradise includes bowling among faux grass huts and tropical fish, then the remodeled Jupiter Bowl might be right up your alley.
The beloved White Rock-neighborhood bowling center, at Jupiter and Garland roads, reopened over Memorial Day weekend after it closed suddenly last year. Now with new owners and a million-dollar-plus renovation, it's not exactly your father's bowling alley – unless your father was a Hawaiian bowler.
The alley's old psychedelic lane backdrops, smoke-stained carpet on the walls and turn-dial televisions have been thrown to the gutter. In their place: high-tech projection screens, strobe lights and plasma TVs – all decorated with a neighborly, tropical twist.
Think Gilligan meets Bill Gates in the church bowling league.
"We're small enough that you don't have to worry about your kids getting out of your sight here. We're still a community bowling center," said Chuck Lande, Jupiter's majority owner. "But we've got every bell and whistle the big centers have. We really do."
Jupiter's doors first swung open in 1958, making it one of the area's oldest bowling alleys still operating.
It was the national birthplace of bumper bowling, popular with children because obstacles placed in the lanes prevent gutter balls.
It's held benefits for endangered rhinoceroses – Bowling for Rhinos – with the Dallas Zoo.
And it's where Aaron Brezik became the youngest bowler in Texas to score a perfect game in league play when he was 12 in 1993, according to records kept at that time.
"I remember just trying to be focused and concentrate on the game as much as I could," said Mr. Brezik, now 26 and a warehouse manager in Plano.
But Steve Brezik, Aaron's father, remembers that moment 13 years ago at Jupiter Lanes with exact detail.
"Everyone got real quiet. My heart was pounding. You just get so emotional," the Garland resident said proudly. "There weren't any cheap strikes. Each was solid in the pocket."
Phil Kinzer, who owned and operated Jupiter for decades, decided in the mid-1990s to lease the alley to bowling center chain AMF Bowling Worldwide, according to Mr. Lande.
Some longtime employees and customers said that's when the neighborhood gathering place lost its shine to corporate bureaucracy and larger, more modern bowling alleys that opened in the area.
"Before, everyone who worked at Jupiter knew your name, and they sort of lost that," said Wayne "Wamo" Matlock, who's been bowling at Jupiter since the 1950s.
When AMF didn't renew its lease last year, Mr. Lande said he and other investors decided to buy the place.
Mr. Lande, who also operates the Rowlett Bowl-A-Rama, worked at Jupiter when he was a teenager. He was the "shoe spray guy" – the employee who sprays antiseptic mist into rented bowling shoes between uses.
He said he wanted to restore the alley to its former glory – while adding new bowling gadgets and a tiki theme.
The charm stays
"What was of value and character, we tried to leave," said Mr. Lande, a professional bowler in the '80s. "What we needed to update, we updated."
They've decreased the lanes from 24 to 20 – each new lane cost $40,000 – and used the extra space for an arcade room.
Bumper bowling, which originally took employees 30 minutes or so to manually place cardboard or foam tubes in the gutter, is now run by a computer that can lift and lower bumpers in seconds.
The kitschy, '70s-era intercom that lets pool players order beer remotely remains, but the bar now has three plasma televisions and is decorated to look like a grass hut.
The former Rock 'n Bowl – the night each week they'd dim the lights and hang a disco ball– has been reincarnated as Glow Bowl.
The alley now uses strobes, fog machines and black lights that reflect against pictures of glow-in-the dark tropical fish. Projection screens also descend from above the lanes to display music videos.
But the transformation to a techno bowling paradise hasn't been without its tribulations, Mr. Lande said.
Not all easy
City employees told him after he bought the building that it wasn't zoned for bowling or booze, even though the alley had been offering both for almost 50 years.
After that was straightened out, the electric company sent him a $815,000 bill for one month's power – before the alley was open. The following month's bill was $168,000.
Even while the alley is operating, the electricity bill usually hovers around $4,000 each month, Mr. Lande said.
He's still trying to work it out.
"They said they won't shut off our power for 30 days while they investigate it," he said.
But to Mr. Matlock, the alley is picture perfect now. He and three other longtime Jupiter bowlers have been memorialized on a mural near the bar.
He's the guy on the right with the black tank top, gold chain and beer.
"I had to slip the guy 20 bucks to get rid of some of my gray," Mr. Matlock said jokingly.
And returning to Jupiter's front desk is Richard "Cotton" Schwab, the alley's daytime manager and a customer favorite. He's worked at Jupiter since 1999, and he's known for sending taunting messages to bowlers through the scoring monitors at each lane.
"In the bowling business, you have to love what you do," said Mr. Schwab, who worked at Bowl-A-Rama while Jupiter was closed for renovation. "There's sure no money in it."
Neighborhood hangout
White Rock neighborhood resident Harley Jebens said he can't wait to see Mr. Schwab again and down a few of his favorite bowling libations, White Russians, at the alley's bar.
When Jupiter closed without notice last year, Mr. Jebens created a tongue-in-cheek blog to "gather a group of like-minded individuals, to create a consortium, if you will, that will purchase the historic Jupiter Lanes bowling alley ... and open it as the bowling alley to beat all bowling alleys."
He wanted to initiate a "Wednesday Night Amateur Ventriloquist Show-Down," make every hour happy hour and hire his uncle as the house pro.
Even though his dreams were dashed by Jupiter's new owners, Mr. Jebens said he's pleased Jupiter's on a roll again.
"I'm hoping that it retains its charm," he said, "but I'm thrilled to death that it's reopening."
-30-
Well, despite being mis-quoted and libelled by the Liberal Media (I am quite sure I said that I was hoping it retains its charm AND was thrilled to death and etc.), it's good to see Jupiter Lanes getting the attention it deserves.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Hide the children! I've got some breaking news ...
Just got off the phone with a reporter from the Dallas Morning News. Katie Menzer is doing a story on the re-opening of Jupiter Lanes and wanted to talk to "the guy who put together a blog or something about trying to buy Jupiter Lanes." Which is neither her nor there and I have no doubt I'll be mis-quoted if at all, BUT I did find out this historic piece of news I know you all would be interested in hearing about ASAP.
Cotton will be back at the Lanes.
So, regardless of what they have done with the lions out front or the Drakar-like cologne dispenser in the bathrooms or the White Russian happy hour, we can rest assured that, in their Jupiter Lanes refurbishment, they have done at least one thing right.
Ms. Menzer was neither able to confirm nor deny that Cotton's last name is Schwabb, so there is still that mystery afoot.
I'll try to find out when Cotton regularly works so an expedition can be planned. If you haven't yet met Cotton in person, let me tell you, it is worth it. It's better, even, then meeting the ghost of Tommy Dugan, and you know I don't say that lightly.
H
Cotton will be back at the Lanes.
So, regardless of what they have done with the lions out front or the Drakar-like cologne dispenser in the bathrooms or the White Russian happy hour, we can rest assured that, in their Jupiter Lanes refurbishment, they have done at least one thing right.
Ms. Menzer was neither able to confirm nor deny that Cotton's last name is Schwabb, so there is still that mystery afoot.
I'll try to find out when Cotton regularly works so an expedition can be planned. If you haven't yet met Cotton in person, let me tell you, it is worth it. It's better, even, then meeting the ghost of Tommy Dugan, and you know I don't say that lightly.
H
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
D Magazine's Front Burner reports ... "Jupiter Lanes gets rolling again" ...
Catherine let me know about this, as they say, 'news item' from the pages of D Magazine's Front Burner blog:
'Last summer, we named Jupiter Lanes "Best Bowling and Beer" and wrote the following:
"Forget about those impersonal bowling megaplexes with more than 100 lanes. Jupiter has 24, making it one of the smallest, homiest, and oldest — the place opened in ’57 — bowling alleys around. Bumper bowling was invented here, and, cooler still, if you go on a Thursday evening, you’ll pay a $5 cover, $1 for shoes, $1 per game, and $1 for a 10-ounce beer. And if you order a pitcher, it comes with a frozen core that keeps it cold till you drain it. 11336 Jupiter Rd. 214-328-3266."
'Then Jupiter promptly closed. Sadness ruled the land. Today, though, all FBvians can rejoice. For Jupiter is reopening this week. Hosanna!'
Now, we all know how much we can trust the Liberal Media and I don't have independent confirmation of this fact ... yet - though I did receive a voice mail message from a Dallas Morning News reporter looking to talk about the re-opening of Jupiter Lanes, so maybe it's true.
Which is to say, who's up for a round of White Russians this weekend at the Lanes?
Mark it 8.
'Last summer, we named Jupiter Lanes "Best Bowling and Beer" and wrote the following:
"Forget about those impersonal bowling megaplexes with more than 100 lanes. Jupiter has 24, making it one of the smallest, homiest, and oldest — the place opened in ’57 — bowling alleys around. Bumper bowling was invented here, and, cooler still, if you go on a Thursday evening, you’ll pay a $5 cover, $1 for shoes, $1 per game, and $1 for a 10-ounce beer. And if you order a pitcher, it comes with a frozen core that keeps it cold till you drain it. 11336 Jupiter Rd. 214-328-3266."
'Then Jupiter promptly closed. Sadness ruled the land. Today, though, all FBvians can rejoice. For Jupiter is reopening this week. Hosanna!'
Now, we all know how much we can trust the Liberal Media and I don't have independent confirmation of this fact ... yet - though I did receive a voice mail message from a Dallas Morning News reporter looking to talk about the re-opening of Jupiter Lanes, so maybe it's true.
Which is to say, who's up for a round of White Russians this weekend at the Lanes?
Mark it 8.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Old News is New News to me
Here's something that Rick Wamre posted on the Lakewood Advocate blog back in February.
Jupiter Bowl lives again
"I just spoke with the guy who has the old Jupiter Bowl building under contract at Garland and Jupiter. The bowling alley closed in November, and everything inside apparently was liquidated by AMC Bowling, then the operator of the bowling alley. The buyer says he's in the process of purchasing the land and building; once that deal is completed, he plans to reopen the bowling alley, hopefully for fall leagues he says, with a brighter, more modern (he used the reference point of Dave & Buster's) interior with new bowling equipment, lanes, etc. The original Jupiter Bowl was a great place to bowl and host parties (we had several of our kids' birthdays there and for a number of years had our Advocate holiday party there, too), but it was definitely showing its age. Hopefully, this group can make something happen there."
Now, I'm not sure how I feel about the Dave and Busterization of Jupiter Lanes. But I'm trying to keep an open mind.
At any rate, it looks like it might not be until the fall before the Lanes re-opens. Durnit.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
"Now Hiring!"
I don't have independent confirmation of this. But reliable sources reliably inform me that a new sign now graces the front of the refurbishment-in-progress Jupiter Lanes.
"Now Hiring"
How do you spell "Career Change?" I don't know about you, but I spell it "F***ing sweet!"
Of course, I think they left off one word on their sign. It should, of course, read
"Now Hiring COTTON"
Take THAT, Tommy Dugan!
"Now Hiring"
How do you spell "Career Change?" I don't know about you, but I spell it "F***ing sweet!"
Of course, I think they left off one word on their sign. It should, of course, read
"Now Hiring COTTON"
Take THAT, Tommy Dugan!
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
"Opening Soon!"
I don't have any further details yet, but I was driving down Garland Road yesterday and spotted a new sign out front of the newly repainted Jupiter Lanes. So, keep your fingers crossed, your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars. I hope to have some new news soon.
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Save Jupiter Lanes - the T-shirt
Remember that TV commercial from the swinging '70s, where that Indian chief (Iron Eyes Cody, for those not in the know) would be walking along the highway and he'd notice all the litter along the highway, and a tear would come to his eye? Remember that?
Well, here's how I envision the "Save Jupiter Lanes" T-shirt: There's Cotton Schwabb in the foreground, with a littering Indian-like tear in his eye, and in the background you'd see, for sure, the neon Jupiter Lanes "BOWL" sign and, perhaps, even the image of the Jupiter Lanes building itself. Somewhere on the shirt, of course, it would say "Save Jupiter Lanes."
Now, whether Jupiter Lanes re-opens for business or not, whether it's next incarnation is a bowling alley, or not, this is a T-shirt that still needs to be made, I think. No. I demand. Actually, I ask for help. Your help. Anyone want to help me design a T-shirt? There's $500 and a baggie of pot in it for you if you do.
I thank you. Your children will thank you. The guy I'm going to buy the pot from will certainly thank you as well. Mark it 8.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
So, what you are saying is ... there's still a CHANCE ...
From David English's office: Info on Jupiter Rd. property
Received: February 16, 2007.
Mr. Jebens:
Per your request, please find attached the flyer for the Jupiter Rd.
property. The property is currently under contract. If you have any
interest in the property in case the contract falls through, please let us know and we will keep your phone number and email address and contact you.
Thank you,
Liz K---------
Asst. to David English
Information gleaned from said flyer:
Jupiter Lanes, the building: 21,460 square feet
Jupiter Lanes, the spirit that lives inside all of us: (Unmeasurable - what's the symbol for infinity?) (Okay, this wasn't part of the flyer. But it SHOULD have been)
Jupiter Lanes, the land: 2.2274 acres (P.S. 2.2274 is my new favorite number.)
Asking price: $900,000
Traffic count: 18,971 cars per day between Garland Road and Fernald (based on the most recent city of Dallas 2001 traffic counts)
So, contract pending, eh? Well, either that means I'll be announcing a grand re-opening take the skinheads bowling party at Jupiter Lanes sometime in the coming months or else the contract will fall through.
I'm still putting together my group of interested investors in case said contract falls through. I've got about roughly $90 (American) that hasn't been earmarked for crystal meth or disguise kits or trapeze lessons or cigarettes for the orphans and that's ... what? 10 percent or something like that of the money we need to buy Jupiter Lanes outright? Something like that. I'm an idea man, not an accountant. So, what I'm saying to you is unless you've earmarked your own funds for something noble like buying cigarettes for the orphans you need to seriously considering donating to THIS cause. Your neighbors will thank you. Your children and your children's children and your children's children's playmates will thank you. Your co-workers will find you allurlingly sexy. I myself will buy you a drink.
And that's a PROMISE.
Received: February 16, 2007.
Mr. Jebens:
Per your request, please find attached the flyer for the Jupiter Rd.
property. The property is currently under contract. If you have any
interest in the property in case the contract falls through, please let us know and we will keep your phone number and email address and contact you.
Thank you,
Liz K---------
Asst. to David English
Information gleaned from said flyer:
Jupiter Lanes, the building: 21,460 square feet
Jupiter Lanes, the spirit that lives inside all of us: (Unmeasurable - what's the symbol for infinity?) (Okay, this wasn't part of the flyer. But it SHOULD have been)
Jupiter Lanes, the land: 2.2274 acres (P.S. 2.2274 is my new favorite number.)
Asking price: $900,000
Traffic count: 18,971 cars per day between Garland Road and Fernald (based on the most recent city of Dallas 2001 traffic counts)
So, contract pending, eh? Well, either that means I'll be announcing a grand re-opening take the skinheads bowling party at Jupiter Lanes sometime in the coming months or else the contract will fall through.
I'm still putting together my group of interested investors in case said contract falls through. I've got about roughly $90 (American) that hasn't been earmarked for crystal meth or disguise kits or trapeze lessons or cigarettes for the orphans and that's ... what? 10 percent or something like that of the money we need to buy Jupiter Lanes outright? Something like that. I'm an idea man, not an accountant. So, what I'm saying to you is unless you've earmarked your own funds for something noble like buying cigarettes for the orphans you need to seriously considering donating to THIS cause. Your neighbors will thank you. Your children and your children's children and your children's children's playmates will thank you. Your co-workers will find you allurlingly sexy. I myself will buy you a drink.
And that's a PROMISE.
Important Cotton Update from the Johnny Misfortune Investigations, LLP home office
My associates (you may know him as my pet monkey Mr. Sh!tters) and I have managed to piece together an important clue as to the identity and whereabouts of one Cotton, the impressario of the lanes, the MC of the alleys, the prime minister sinister, the guy who used to run the front desk at Jupiter Lanes.
At press time, this is unconfirmed, but we have it from reliable sources (and not the ususal reliable source, the guy down at White Rock Lake who sells ice cream out of his truck and will resolve pretty much damn near any legal dispute for five hundred dollars (American) and a baggy of pot. No. This is a totally altogether different and anonymous reliable source. Named Sunni Thompson) that Cotton's last name is ... get this ...
Schwab
Cotton Schwab - we know you are out there. And we will find you.
Oh yes.
We WILL find you.
Rest assured of this, my fellow Jupiter Lanes afficianados: The search for Cotton Schwab continues.
At press time, this is unconfirmed, but we have it from reliable sources (and not the ususal reliable source, the guy down at White Rock Lake who sells ice cream out of his truck and will resolve pretty much damn near any legal dispute for five hundred dollars (American) and a baggy of pot. No. This is a totally altogether different and anonymous reliable source. Named Sunni Thompson) that Cotton's last name is ... get this ...
Schwab
Cotton Schwab - we know you are out there. And we will find you.
Oh yes.
We WILL find you.
Rest assured of this, my fellow Jupiter Lanes afficianados: The search for Cotton Schwab continues.
Friday, February 16, 2007
And a cheery good day to you too, kind sir!!!
The other night, As I was standing outside Jupiter Lanes, snapping the photos that you'll see elsewhere on this page, a van came cruising by along Jupiter Road, as friendly as can be. I paused in my picture-taking as a young voice shouted out of the open van window, all very North Dallas neighborly like, the following refrain:
"Hey buddy! Fuck your mother!"
Ah, the sweet bird of youth.
I take this as a sign that I am DESTINED to own Jupiter Lanes one day.
True story.
"Hey buddy! Fuck your mother!"
Ah, the sweet bird of youth.
I take this as a sign that I am DESTINED to own Jupiter Lanes one day.
True story.
In the words of the esteemed Sir Mr. Alec Baldwin ...
... from the classic David Mamet movie (if not play), "Glengarry Glen Ross":
"A.B.B. - Always Be Bowling."
"A.B.B. - Always Be Bowling."
Thursday, February 15, 2007
This, then is my dream ...
... to gather a group of like-minded individuals, to create a consortium, if you will, that will purchase the historic Jupiter Lanes bowling alley located at the intersecton of Jupiter Lane and Garland Road in Dallas, refurbish it and open it as the bowling alley to beat all bowling alleys.
Imagine if you will ...
- Leprechauns and other assorted Little People bowl free on Tuesday and St. Patrick's Day
- Wednesday Night Amateur Ventriloquist Show-Down in the White Russian Lounge
- America's Cocktail - always available at Happy Hour Prices
- An Honest-to-God Happy Hour. Every Hour on the Hour.
- Design Your Own Bowling Shirt - visit our pro shop for more details
- My Uncle as the in-the-house house pro
- Birthday Parties - complete with bowling AND pinatas
- the Second Saturday of the Month - the Guerilla Desperados, our in-house Warren Zevon cover band performs for your listening pleasure
- Every 100th bowler gets a free White Russian!
- Strolling minstrels will compose a song about your bowling team - ON THE SPOT and UNREHEARSED
- the return of Cotton, where he belongs - rocking the house and ruling the roost at Jupiter Lanes, or, as it may possibly be renamed "Big Lebowski in Little China (on Jupiter Lane)"
These are just a few ideas. I'm spit-balling here.
Do you have the guts, the chutzphah and, yes, let's go ahead and say it, the balls to embrace an endeavor as fantastic, awesome and, yes, let's go ahead and say it, genius as this one?
If so, let's do lunch. You bring the lunch.
No, seriously. We should talk. Contact me h.jebens at gmail.com
I am serious. At least as serious as a heart attack. Or a 7-10 split.
Another idea - sell shares of ownership to anyone who wants to buy one and operate the place as the first co-operatively owned bowling alley. on the planet. Or at least in Dallas.
Cotton, where for art you, Cotton?
Missing: Cotton
You: The best Monday night front desk bowling alley manager type person that Jupiter Lanes has ever had. EVER. Missing since sometime this past summer.
(P.S. By "you," I mean "Cotton")
Me: I want to purchase Jupiter Lanes and install you to your former position of glory as the impressario of the lanes, the MC of the alleys, the prime minister sinister, the guy who runs the front desk at the bowling alley.
(P.S.S. By "me" I mean "me")
Are you out there? Are you interested?
If so, contact me: h.jebens at gmail.com
You'll be glad you did.
Thank ye.
Important information for your tax records
The realtor handling Jupiter Lanes:
David English
Coliers International Realty
Ph. 214.692.1100
Can you DIG it?
David English
Coliers International Realty
Ph. 214.692.1100
Can you DIG it?
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
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